The Road to Pentecost: Rediscovering Myself and Jesus
I write this post knowing that I have twenty-seven final papers (I graded two and then tapped out after xP) to grade but zero motivation to grade them. I write this post with just having given the lecture about Acts 28 and explaining to the students how all we have read is the culmination of Jesus' commission for the disciples to be his witnesses and their empowerment at Pentecost. I write this post with many thoughts and feelings floating through my mind as my first semester of teaching wraps up and I reflect on how far God has brought me since this time last year.
Most people don't know that--at this time last year--I knew that my ministry and employment at The Bridge was coming to an end as there were plans for me to part ways with them at the end of the summer. At this time last year, I was also waiting on hearing back from Trinity Lutheran to see if they were going to offer me my current ministry role. On top of all this, I was getting ready to graduate from seminary. As I think about it, I know the only reason why I was able to keep all together was because of God's sustenance through his Holy Spirit and supportive friends.
Last April, I found myself in a very similar place to Jesus' disciples after his resurrection. Now, we know from the Synoptic Gospels that everything wasn't roses and butterflies for the disciples after Jesus' resurrection. We know that Jesus continued to meet with his disciples for forty days. We know that the disciples feared. We know that the disciples doubted. We also know that the disciples still misunderstood Jesus' mission! How does this apply to me? Well...although I knew who Jesus was, God was still helping me unlearn many things I did not understand about his mission and his character (like Jesus does with the disciples in Acts 1). Although I believed in God's sovereignty and providence, I doubted--like Thomas--the realness of Jesus' work in my life and if I still wanted to work in the Church. Like disciples locked inside of a house, at times I felt lost and undone without any hope or assurance of what to do/where to go next. I wish I could tell you the exact moment when Jesus appeared to me and alleviated me of all my doubts, but unfortunately I can't. I wish I could tell you my Pentecost moment where the Holy Spirit came down upon me with a new zeal and fervor for ministry. If anything, Trinity Lutheran's ministry offer was the beginning of that journey.
This past year I have been challenged as a ministry leader. I have been challenged in the way I do ministry. I have been challenged in the way I think about God and Scripture. I have been challenged in the way I think about the universal Church and the local church. I have been challenged in the way I think about myself as a child of God. Each challenge though was like a brief encounter with Jesus as he reassured me by giving me strength and wisdom for the situation. In each encounter Jesus took away my doubts and gave me courage and confidence. He took away my shame and gave me honor. He took away my failures and offered me new opportunities to grow and become who I am created to be. The Josh I am now is not the Josh from one year ago.
Praise be to the God who does not stop and who cannot be stopped, who brings new life and opportunity out of the ashes of what once was. It is only because of him I am in the place I am today. Thus, in this post-Easter season as Pentecost approaches, I hear the invitation of Jesus to consider the ways I still doubt him or still believe the lies of the enemy. I hear his invitation to continually surrender my theology and ministry philosophy and allow it to be transformed. Most importantly though, I hear his invitation to draw near to him in an intimate space that he may draw near to me in love and grace.
What do you still doubt about God? What proof do you still need from Jesus? What old things are preventing you from being the person and living the life God has called you to be/do? Whatever those things are, my hope and prayer is that you will seek to surrender these things to God and seek to share these things with community that you trust. In the mean time, I pray that you find comfort in knowing that--despite life's circumstances--nothing cannot stop the transformative work God is doing in you and nothing cannot stop God from completing his mission.
Most people don't know that--at this time last year--I knew that my ministry and employment at The Bridge was coming to an end as there were plans for me to part ways with them at the end of the summer. At this time last year, I was also waiting on hearing back from Trinity Lutheran to see if they were going to offer me my current ministry role. On top of all this, I was getting ready to graduate from seminary. As I think about it, I know the only reason why I was able to keep all together was because of God's sustenance through his Holy Spirit and supportive friends.
Last April, I found myself in a very similar place to Jesus' disciples after his resurrection. Now, we know from the Synoptic Gospels that everything wasn't roses and butterflies for the disciples after Jesus' resurrection. We know that Jesus continued to meet with his disciples for forty days. We know that the disciples feared. We know that the disciples doubted. We also know that the disciples still misunderstood Jesus' mission! How does this apply to me? Well...although I knew who Jesus was, God was still helping me unlearn many things I did not understand about his mission and his character (like Jesus does with the disciples in Acts 1). Although I believed in God's sovereignty and providence, I doubted--like Thomas--the realness of Jesus' work in my life and if I still wanted to work in the Church. Like disciples locked inside of a house, at times I felt lost and undone without any hope or assurance of what to do/where to go next. I wish I could tell you the exact moment when Jesus appeared to me and alleviated me of all my doubts, but unfortunately I can't. I wish I could tell you my Pentecost moment where the Holy Spirit came down upon me with a new zeal and fervor for ministry. If anything, Trinity Lutheran's ministry offer was the beginning of that journey.
This past year I have been challenged as a ministry leader. I have been challenged in the way I do ministry. I have been challenged in the way I think about God and Scripture. I have been challenged in the way I think about the universal Church and the local church. I have been challenged in the way I think about myself as a child of God. Each challenge though was like a brief encounter with Jesus as he reassured me by giving me strength and wisdom for the situation. In each encounter Jesus took away my doubts and gave me courage and confidence. He took away my shame and gave me honor. He took away my failures and offered me new opportunities to grow and become who I am created to be. The Josh I am now is not the Josh from one year ago.
Praise be to the God who does not stop and who cannot be stopped, who brings new life and opportunity out of the ashes of what once was. It is only because of him I am in the place I am today. Thus, in this post-Easter season as Pentecost approaches, I hear the invitation of Jesus to consider the ways I still doubt him or still believe the lies of the enemy. I hear his invitation to continually surrender my theology and ministry philosophy and allow it to be transformed. Most importantly though, I hear his invitation to draw near to him in an intimate space that he may draw near to me in love and grace.
What do you still doubt about God? What proof do you still need from Jesus? What old things are preventing you from being the person and living the life God has called you to be/do? Whatever those things are, my hope and prayer is that you will seek to surrender these things to God and seek to share these things with community that you trust. In the mean time, I pray that you find comfort in knowing that--despite life's circumstances--nothing cannot stop the transformative work God is doing in you and nothing cannot stop God from completing his mission.
Well done Josh! You have blessed me this morning with your transparency. May God continue to enlarge the borders of your heart and mins in the pursuit of knowing Him! Dan
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