You Can See Me: Vulnerability, Emotional Attraction, and God's Self-Revelation
Have you wondered about what allows someone to be vulnerable? What circumstances or factors allows someone to disclose deep parts of their soul to another person? The religious/spiritual answer would be that it just happens. As I've considered my own acts of vulnerability and God's self-revelation to humanity (aka God as Jesus of Nazareth), I think a helpful explanation can be found in psychology and relationship analysis.
Before I dive into the science-y stuff, let me reflect aloud on my own experiences. After the death of my maternal grandmother in fifth grade, I pretty much became an emotional shut-in. I didn't allow myself to develop deep friendships. I didn't allow myself to open up to people emotionally (at least authentically). I didn't like sharing about my experiences and struggles. During the summer after my first year in college--where I experienced what an intimate relationship with God is and what authentic community looks and feels like--God provided me the space to begin my journey of accepting and becoming comfortable with my story and my identity. In the hours and weeks following this God-experience, I began sharing with people my story and what I was struggling with. At first, I shared with only people who I had developed a friendship with and who I implicitly trusted. Soon, I began sharing with people who I had only known for a couple hours or for a few days! What was going on?
Obviously, God gave me the holy confidence to share my story and struggles with people boldly. He also broke off the chains of insecurity and my desire to keep face amongst my friends. When I reflect on the instances where I shared my story with people though, there is one common thread: EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION. Now, attraction is a seemingly taboo word--particularly within the evangelical world I was reared in--because romance or sexual desire is attached to the idea of attraction. A few counseling or psychology classes though reveals that is a shallow understanding of attraction. Emotional attraction refers to the attraction of someone's mind and spirit where a kinship/friendship is developed. Emotional attraction often but not always involves trust and comfort, emotional intelligence (the Other has the ability to see you and make you feel comfortable), uniqueness, and uncertainty. When I consider the people I have been vulnerable with, the reason why I was able to be vulnerable is because I was emotionally attracted to them. Whether it took hours, days, or years, these people had a uniqueness of their mind and spirit which made me feel comfortable and allowed me to trust them.
Now that I'm older, it's a lot easier for me to consider who I will be vulnerable with, especially now I am comfortable with the concept of emotional attraction. As I have reflected more on vulnerability and emotional attraction I realized that--as followers of Christ--God is our example of vulnerability and emotional attraction, which he displayed in his self-revelation to humanity. Self-revelation refers to the disclosure of one's characters or motives. Theologian Karl Barth assets that Jesus as God incarnate was God's ultimate act of self-revelation as--through Jesus' words and actions--humanity learned about who God is and why he is doing what he is doing (for Barth, that would be reconciling humanity to himself). Self-disclosure is another way of saying being vulnerable with someone. So through Jesus God was vulnerable with humanity by allowing us to see him for who he truly is and by disclosing to us what he plans to do. Scripture, particularly the Old Testament, displays how this vulnerability of God is also coupled with emotions and dare I say emotional attraction. In Exodus God discloses to the Israelites several times that he is a jealous God and for that reason they should not worship other Gods. This jealousy indicates that God is emotionally attracted to his human creation and desires to know them intimately. Jesus himself was the image of healthy emotional intelligence as he provided the space for people to be emotionally attracted to him by (1) being a unique spirit and mind and (2) making people feel comfortable by loving them as they were. Healthy emotional intelligence also involves the willingness to being emotionally attracted to others because you must disclose about yourself in order for others to feel comfortable around you and trust you.
Hence, vulnerability is coupled with emotional attraction. God leads us to people in our lives who we are emotionally attracted to because they make us feel comfortable/secure and they have a uniqueness which allows us to trust them. Even more, God's emotional attraction to his human creation was a catalyst for his self-revelation in Jesus, which makes him the example of healthy emotional attraction and healthy emotional intelligence.
Before I dive into the science-y stuff, let me reflect aloud on my own experiences. After the death of my maternal grandmother in fifth grade, I pretty much became an emotional shut-in. I didn't allow myself to develop deep friendships. I didn't allow myself to open up to people emotionally (at least authentically). I didn't like sharing about my experiences and struggles. During the summer after my first year in college--where I experienced what an intimate relationship with God is and what authentic community looks and feels like--God provided me the space to begin my journey of accepting and becoming comfortable with my story and my identity. In the hours and weeks following this God-experience, I began sharing with people my story and what I was struggling with. At first, I shared with only people who I had developed a friendship with and who I implicitly trusted. Soon, I began sharing with people who I had only known for a couple hours or for a few days! What was going on?
Obviously, God gave me the holy confidence to share my story and struggles with people boldly. He also broke off the chains of insecurity and my desire to keep face amongst my friends. When I reflect on the instances where I shared my story with people though, there is one common thread: EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION. Now, attraction is a seemingly taboo word--particularly within the evangelical world I was reared in--because romance or sexual desire is attached to the idea of attraction. A few counseling or psychology classes though reveals that is a shallow understanding of attraction. Emotional attraction refers to the attraction of someone's mind and spirit where a kinship/friendship is developed. Emotional attraction often but not always involves trust and comfort, emotional intelligence (the Other has the ability to see you and make you feel comfortable), uniqueness, and uncertainty. When I consider the people I have been vulnerable with, the reason why I was able to be vulnerable is because I was emotionally attracted to them. Whether it took hours, days, or years, these people had a uniqueness of their mind and spirit which made me feel comfortable and allowed me to trust them.
Now that I'm older, it's a lot easier for me to consider who I will be vulnerable with, especially now I am comfortable with the concept of emotional attraction. As I have reflected more on vulnerability and emotional attraction I realized that--as followers of Christ--God is our example of vulnerability and emotional attraction, which he displayed in his self-revelation to humanity. Self-revelation refers to the disclosure of one's characters or motives. Theologian Karl Barth assets that Jesus as God incarnate was God's ultimate act of self-revelation as--through Jesus' words and actions--humanity learned about who God is and why he is doing what he is doing (for Barth, that would be reconciling humanity to himself). Self-disclosure is another way of saying being vulnerable with someone. So through Jesus God was vulnerable with humanity by allowing us to see him for who he truly is and by disclosing to us what he plans to do. Scripture, particularly the Old Testament, displays how this vulnerability of God is also coupled with emotions and dare I say emotional attraction. In Exodus God discloses to the Israelites several times that he is a jealous God and for that reason they should not worship other Gods. This jealousy indicates that God is emotionally attracted to his human creation and desires to know them intimately. Jesus himself was the image of healthy emotional intelligence as he provided the space for people to be emotionally attracted to him by (1) being a unique spirit and mind and (2) making people feel comfortable by loving them as they were. Healthy emotional intelligence also involves the willingness to being emotionally attracted to others because you must disclose about yourself in order for others to feel comfortable around you and trust you.
Hence, vulnerability is coupled with emotional attraction. God leads us to people in our lives who we are emotionally attracted to because they make us feel comfortable/secure and they have a uniqueness which allows us to trust them. Even more, God's emotional attraction to his human creation was a catalyst for his self-revelation in Jesus, which makes him the example of healthy emotional attraction and healthy emotional intelligence.
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