31 Years, 31 Songs & Lessons

 

Year 30 has been a whirlwind for me. If someone would have told me most of it would be spent trying to navigate through a pandemic, I would have laughed internally at them. Nevertheless, 2020 has given me a lot of time to reflect on my life and the lessons I have learned. I attempted to compile a list of 31 lessons I've learned so far...but the process involved a bit more rigor than I wanted to put forth haha. Therefore, I decided it would be a lot easier to share 31 songs that have impacted my life in some shape or form over the years and just might contain some of the lessons I've learned. With that said, in no particular order, here we go!

1. "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" by U2
   I've always loved this song, but it deeply impacted me when I realized that the theological transformation I had undergone during seminary made me incompatible with the conservative culture and convictions of my previous church. This was when I knew it was time for me to move on. 
   Favorite lyric: "I believe in the Kingdom Come, then all the colors will bleed into one, bleed into one. But yes, I'm still running."
   
   
2. "There You'll Be" by Faith Hill
   Awww, the anthem of the film Pearl Harbor. The movie released almost a year after my grandmother unexpectedly died, so this song definitely stirred up the feels. 
   Favorite lyric: "Well, you showed me how it feels, to feel the sky within my reach. And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me. Your love made me make it through. Oh, I owe so much to you. You were right there for me." 
   
   
3. "You Hold Me Now" by Hillsong United
   This song hits my soul because it's a beautiful image of what life will look like after the end. It's also a reminder of the hope that I personally have in Jesus. 
   Favorite lyric: "No weeping, no hurt or pain, no suffering, You hold me now."
   
   
4. "Pieces" by Amanda Cook
   This song by Amanda Cook captures one way I view my relationship with God. She released this song at a time in my life when I had very low self-esteem and didn't know if I should continue on working in the church. In turn, this the love that I try to convey in all of my relationships.
   Favorite lyric: "Your love's not passive, it's never disengaged. It's always present, it hangs on every word we say."
   
   
5. "Lose You to Love Me" by Selena Gomez
   Sometimes there are relationships we have to be willing to let go of because of its toxicity, even if we love that person. Selena's song is a reminder for me to not lose myself in the pursuit of any relationship.
   Favorite lyric: "And now the chapter is closed and done...Now it's goodbye, it's goodbye for us."
   
   
6. "I Want to Know What Love Is" by Foreigner
   Ultimate 80s ballad. Need I say more? Seriously though, this is a very spiritual song for me. 
   Favorite lyric: "I'm gonna take a little time, a little time to look around me. I've got nowhere left to hide. It looks like love has finally found me." 
   
   
7. "Show Yourself" from Frozen 2
   This song should have been the Frozen 2 song nominated for an Oscar haha. This is another secular song that's spiritual for me, particularly because it reminds me of my freshmen year in college as I became more interested in the charismatic Christian tradition. It's message that we can find our true selves deep inside of us also aligns with my positive view of therapy/counseling and how it helps us become who we are meant to be. 
   Favorite lyric: "Show yourself, step into your power. Throw yourself into something new. You are the one you've been waiting for all of your life." 
   
   
8. "Dark Side" by Kelly Clarkson
   Kelly released this song when I was a mess and realized I had become codependent with many of my friends from college. This song was therapeutic for me as I worked through my codependency and reconciled with some of the friends I had hurt. This song also reminds me of all my friends that have stuck by me, even after they experienced the worst and dysfunctional parts of me.
   Favorite lyric: "Everybody's got a dark side. Do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody's a picture perfect, but we're worth it." 
   
   
9. "You Will Be Found" from Dear Evan Hansen
   I wish this song existed while I was in high school haha. Nevertheless, it shares a beautiful message that even when we feel alone...we truly aren't alone because there are other people experiencing the same or similar feelings as us. This is a truth that I want all of my students to know, especially in their relationship with God.
   Favorite lyric: "There's a place where we don't have to feel unknown. Every time that you call out, you're a little less alone. If you only say the word, from across the silence, your voice is heard."
   
   
10. "For Good" from Wicked
    Literally a reminder of every close friendship I formed after high school, particularly the ones I developed during college.
    Favorite lyric: "So much of me is made of what I learned from you. You'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our story ends, I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend." 
    
    
11. "Long Live" by Taylor Swift
    Revolution Class of 2014. You know who you are. 
    Favorite lyric: "Long live all the mountains we moved. I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you." 
    
    
12. "Gone Too Soon" by Simple Plan
    I never got to say goodbye to my grandma because--the night before she died--I fell asleep in the car while we were dropping her off. By the time I woke up, she was already in her house. Little did I know my life would change forever 24 hours later. Hence, this song reminds me of some of the initial feelings I had after she died.
    Favorite lyric: "In a blink of an eye, I never got to say goodbye." 
    
    
13. "Good in Goodbye" by Carrie Underwood
    Goodbyes are difficult, especially if it's the end of a relationship. This song reminds me that it's ok for relationships to end...because that ending can lead to a very new, beautiful beginning.
    Favorite lyric: "Some day you'll see the reason why, sometimes, yeah sometimes, there's good in goodbye."
    
    
14. "I Cry" by Usher
    Black Lives Matter. 
    Favorite lyric: "For the truth that's unspoken, for the promises broken, I will stand by your side. I'll fight for the ones who stopped dreaming, and the ones who stopped believing. You're not alone, I feel your pain."
    
    
15. "I Still Miss You" by (og) Hawk Nelson 
    For my Grandma Ann Lum, who has been gone for 20 years. 
    Favorite lyric: "If dreams came true, just one more chance to talk to you, and thank you for the time you spent teaching me the truth."
    
    
16. "No Matter What" by Calum Scott
    This song is for my friends who have confided in me about their sexuality and trusted me with their stories. 
    Favorite lyric: "I love you no matter what, I just want you to be happy and always be who you are."
    
    
17. "Not Alone" by Red
    I first heard this song several years ago when I felt extremely lonely, so at the time it seemed like an answer from God. To this day it serves as a reminder of the promise God made that he'll never leave me nor forsake me, a promise which is manifested through the friends he has given me! 
    Favorite lyric: "Look up and see love has a face."
    
    
18. "One More Light" by Linkin Park
    As a youth pastor/leader, this song contains a truth that continually fuels my ministry: to convey that their light matters, that I am willing to sit with them in their brokenness, and that I am willing to journey with them into healing and wholeness. 
    Favorite lyric: "Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do."
    
    
19. "Here's to Us" by Halestorm
    This song reminds me of all the good times and hard times with my seminary friends. I'll forever be grateful for their friendships and the lessons I've learned from them!
    Favorite lyric: "Here's to us, here's to love...if they give you hell, tell them to f*** themselves."
    
    
20. "Remember Me" from Coco
    This song is literally all feels. No life lessons, just simply beautiful. It deserves the Oscar it won. 
    Favorite lyric: "Know that I'm with you the only way that I can be. Until you're in my arms again, remember me."
    
    
21. "Roots Before Branches" by Room For Two
    This song reminds me to not be ashamed of my past or where I have come from, but to accept it because I can't move forward in life without understanding who I am at that point. 
    Favorite lyric: "I gotta have roots before branches, to know who I am, before who I wanna be."
    
    
22. "See You Again" by Carrie Underwood
    I listened to this song while I drove away from my Merced house after I said goodbye to my college friends/housemates. Apparently they drove after me, but I was vibin' with the song too much to notice haha. This continues to serve as a reminder to me that I will eventually see them all again. It also serves as a reminder to me that I will see again all the loved ones that I have lost. 
    Favorite lyric: "Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking, but I stay strong and I hold on cuz I know. I will see you again, this is not where it ends, I will carry you with me." 
    
    
23. "This Is Me" from The Greatest Showman
    The modern anthem of overcoming shame and accepting who I am, especially the parts of me I can't change. Also, this song came out at a time when I felt insecure about who I was and my leadership in ministry because of tough circumstances at my last church. The lyrics were therapeutic as they helped me acknowledge my flaws but also accept--ultimately--I wasn't the problem. In terms of ministry and church, this song continually forces me to consider if my actions and words are creating a place of belonging for people on the margins in society. 
    Favorite lyric: "I won't let them break me down to dust, I know that there's a place for us, we are glorious. 
    
    
24. "Black and White" by Niall Horan
    Unless another song comes out, I'm using this song to propose to my future spouse. I already have it pictured in my head haha.
    Favorite lyric: "I see us in black and white, crystal clear on a starlit night, in all your gorgeous colors. I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life."
    
    
25. "Brothers" by Penny & Sparrow
    After returning to Fresno from college, I struggled finding a friendship that had the depth of the ones I developed with my IVCF friends. Over time, Jesse became that friend. It's only fitting that a song by a band he introduced me to (although a little depressing haha) reminds me of our friendship and how he'll always be mi hermano. 
    Favorite lyric: "And if hope keeps you young and wild, then if you please, I'd like to die as a child."
    
    
26. "Reckless Love" by Cory Asbury
    I know a lot of Christians have an issue with the theology of this song, but I personally like it haha. For me, there's something beautiful about the image of a God who fights against the crap in this world for our affection. Even more, it's a picture of how God will do anything to rescue me from whatever enslaves me and keeps me apart from him.
    Favorite lyric: "There's no shadow you won't light up, mountain you won't climb up, coming after me. There's no wall you won't kick down, lie you won't tear down, coming after me."
    
    
27. "I Will Not Fear" by Derek Johnson
    2020 has left me with a lot of unknowns in my life. When this song was released during the summer, I felt like it perfectly encapsulated my experience and how I want to respond. No matter what comes in year 31, I will not fear.
    Favorite lyric: "Though I may not see, you are here with me, my hope is unaffected by the storm."
    
    
28. "Over All I Know" by Vertical Worship
    This song was released in 2018 around the time when I discovered I was going to lose my job at my former church after the summer. I felt so defeated, all I could do was trust God that something good was going to come out of the situation. A month later, I had my interview with Trinity Lutheran and then they offered me the position a few weeks after that! In my life, God is indeed over all I know.
    Favorite lyric: "I believe it, I receive it, my God is over all."
    
    
29. "You Don't Miss A Thing" by Amanda Cook
    This song is nostalgic for me because it reminds me of my faith in God during college. Even though my faith and relationship with God has evolved since then, I am still reminded that God chose me, God watches me, and God doesn't miss a thing that happens in my life.
    Favorite lyric: "I am seen and I am known...There's no place I can go your love won't find me. There's no place I can hide that you don't see. There's no place I could fall that your love couldn't catch me. You see it all with the eyes of love."
    
    
30. "Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne
    Young, insecure, 2006 high school Josh deeply appreciated this song. In retrospect, God used this song to encourage me to keep pushing through my struggles and insecurities because he wasn't going to abandon me.
    Favorite lyric: "You're not alone, together we stand. I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand."
    
    
31. "Flight" by Lifehouse
    This another song that's deeply spiritual for me. It reminds me of the many times when I have felt like I was wandering in the "wilderness" or "desert" with no direction. Despite the feeling of helplessness, there is always a sense of hope.
    Favorite lyric: "No more running, no more hiding, no more hurting, no more crying. No more trouble, no more sighing, no more falling, no more striving. No more heartache, no more fighting, no more fears, only flying."
    

If you made it to the end of this list, you're the real MVP. Thanks for going on this verbal journey and for entertaining my eclectic taste in my music! Here's to year 31 and all that is in store!