My Feet May Fail, but My God You Never Will

It's been about two years since I posted on here and probably close to a year since I blogged anything meaningful, lol. So much has happened since then. From graduating to getting my first real job to spending a whole year living life with turd high school students (whom I love dearly), God has taken me on a journey of growing up - mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I write these thoughts down as I sit in the house I spent two years of my life in in Merced, on a mini-vacation from all the craziness of work and ministry in Fresno. Since coming back from Engage a couple weeks ago, God has been stretching me and calling me all the more step out into the unknown of my faith journey with Him. Last week, I heard back from the seminary admissions counselor at Fresno Pacific and he asked me if I would be available for an admissions interview soon! OH..an update about that...despite my bachelor's degree in Biology, working in the lab has proved to me that I'm not meant to make a career out of science...especially the food safety industry. All the more, interning with Brandon in the high school ministry has revealed to me my true passions and what I receive the most joy out of...which is getting to hang out with people and talk to them about faith and life! That's why I decided to go back to school and pursue full-time vocational ministry. You may call me crazy, but it's what I love to do. Nonetheless, the process is still scary and I have no idea what's going to happen.

Since this is a season of change, I'm also attempting to leave the lab and find a new job...in ministry haha. With the somewhat unexpected departure of Jeff Zimmerman, the junior high pastor, and JHi intern leaving soon, I seized an opportunity by applying for the open junior high pastor position. Am I ready? Do I feel ready for responsibility like that? Heck no. All of my life though, I've waited for the "right moment" to do something or have waited for the moment when I feel completely ready, and almost 100% of the time I missed that opportunity. Tired of waiting, I decided to apply. I have nothing to lose. If they say no to me, I'm still a high school intern. Yet...at the same time...I would probably be a little crushed since I believe this would be a great intro-to-ministry job for me...but God's will and understanding is way above mine. Thus, I wait and see what happens, finding the joy in my current circumstances. The unknown is scary though. I feel like Hillsong United's song, "Oceans," perfectly describes my life right now. God is calling me out onto the waters and great unknown, where feet alone undoubtedly will fail. Yet, God would not call me out and leave me alone; thus, as I walk and take these steps out of my comfortable boat, I continually seek Him and His presence, for I WILL fail without Him.

This season also makes me super thankful for the people God has surrounded me with. I'm so thankful for Brandon and his willingness to teach me all about ministry and giving me the chances to grow in leadership. I'm thankful for getting to intern with Luke the past year and the many things he has taught me...and the fact that he has genuine care and caution as I step out into ministry. I'm thankful for my Merced brothers-- Sonny, Wes, and David-- despite the fact I don't see them that often, distance has not changed the goodness and depth of my friendships with them and how each of them are the image of God in my life. I'm also extremely thankful for the turds I've gotten to know this past year of ministry and the ways I've seen God become real in all of them. As they grow in their faith in God and walk with Jesus, I grow as well and become encouraged. The life I have right now, I love and it's comfortable for the most part. I'm not one to settle though...not anymore...because all I desire now is for God to glorified in and through my life and to continually seek after Him, wherever it may take me.



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