Am I A Pacifist Now?

Dear History Maker,

            After finishing the readings for my Discipleship & Ethics class on war and violence, I began to consider the value of Christian pacifism and how it applies to my life.  Though I have never been violent myself, I have always enjoyed watching martial arts movies, war movies, and playing videogames that involve either physical combat and/or conquest and the use of artillery or firearms.  When violence entered into my reality though, such as seeing fights at school, I was uncomfortable with it.  (I think that's why I didn't want to engage in that conversation from Tuesday night about which one of us would win in a fight.  Though theoretical, it was infringing on my reality).  Basically, as long as violence did not directly affect me and was not a part of my reality, I did not really think about its impact.  That is probably why I never really made a decision about how I feel about war and the prospect of taking another life. 

            I realized a few years ago, after watching The Hunger Games, that there was shift in my personality and my stance on violence for the sake of entertainment.  Walking out of the theater, a part of my soul felt disturbed at the idea that any type of society would force its people to kill others for the sake of survival.  That disturbance eventually turned into sadness that human life could be devalued that much (even if it's just a fictional story!) and that seeing people kill others was a form of entertainment for me. After feeling those feelings, in retrospect, I began distancing (unintentionally it seems...but probably intentionally in my spirit) from television shows and movies that involved absurd use of violence (I have missed out on a lot of good movies because of this).   After doing the readings for class though, I kind of understand why that has been the pattern for the past few years. 

            As Christians, we can respond to violence and war in two ways: to adopt the "just war theory"—which advocates the use of violence and war for the sake of justice—or to adopt Christian pacifism—to determine what it means to creatively resist violence and war.  I understand using violence and war for the sake of justice and alternatively as an expression of loving our neighbors by defending the oppressed as something valuable, but I cannot get out of my head that—in those moments—we decide whether or not someone deserves the right to live.  That kind of power honestly scares me.  Also, even if we implement violence without the intention of killing, there's always the risk of death.  What if that person was a Christian who needed guidance and love?  What if that person did not know God?  If they die...we just ended the chance of them ever experiencing God's transforming love and grace and their chance to come into the kingdom as a child of God. 

            Where I am at right now in my life, I don't think I can adopt the just-war theory as my own and feel comfortable in my spirit.  Christian pacifism seems the way that most reflects the character and lifestyle of Jesus.  Being a pacifist does not mean being passive though and it does not mean being anti-military.  Instead, being a Christian pacifist calls us to think in creative ways in how to restore justice and shalom on earth without the use of violence.  One thing I learned from the numerous stories we heard in class on Thursday: there is always another way besides violence...and sometimes the non-violent way is more effective. 

            I'm a long way from being truly a Christian pacifist.  I know that I want to be more like Jesus though, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes, even if it means sacrificing forms of entertainment that I currently enjoy.  I hope that we can talk about this more soon.  Thank you for being willing to read my thoughts and allowing me to process with you.  You're the best.