How Facebook is Ruining My Relationships
I realize that the title itself is a little melodramatic since Facebook is not literally destroying my friendships, but it has been affecting them in the realm of my mind.
Assuming you are Facebook friends with the people who are your friends in real life, Facebook has conditioned our minds that your real friends will like whatever post--from pictures to status updates to random articles you decide to share because you believe they are interesting. Facebook has also conditioned us that the value of what we have to say and the value of our identities all lies within the number of "likes" we receive on posts or the number of comments we can generate. Whenever I decide to post something, I always end up checking to see if anyone has liked my post.
Currently in my Discipleship & Ethics class in seminary, we are discussing how technology and media can become powers in our lives that take away from our identities and create a community that is contrary to the kingdom community which Jesus established during his earthly ministry. Our identities are stripped to electronic presence and presentation and community is placed in a shallow bowl of "likes" and "comments." Recently, I have faced this reality as I have questioned whether or not if people are actually my friends just because of my social media interaction with them! Something is definitely wrong with that...
I have a really good friend. For the sake of anonymity, I will call him Adelphos. Adelphos and I have become close over the past several months and I have had the blessing to walk alongside him in this season of life. One thing that has been bugging me for a couple months now is that I realized he never likes anything I post on Facebook unless I tag him in the post...all while he seems to be liking everyone else's posts! Several times I have mind-wrestled with myself about whether or not Adelphos is a real friend. The fleshly argument states that "Well...if he really is your friend...he would be liking the stuff you post on Facebook." The logical side of me that is rooted in reality counters that is dumbest thought ever. How can someone liking my posts on Facebook be an affirmation of the depth of our friendship??
Luckily for me, God's voice is much louder than the selfish voices in my head. After much prayer and consideration, God helped me to realize that such thoughts are a reversion back to how I used to approach relationships and friendships--the way which was not honoring to God and only focused on me. God also reminded me that my experiences with Adelphos over the past several months show that he is a TRUE and REAL friend to me and that, by His grace and by the power of the Holy Spirit, Adelphos sees me for who God created me to be. Adelphos has even sacrificed part of who he is in order to become a true friend and brother to me. Adelphos is a visible image in my life of the invisible God.
So does it matter whether or not Adelphos or any of my other friends like my Facebook posts? Heck no! I refuse to allow social media to dictate the depth of my friendships. I refuse to assign value to relationships and people based on my interactions with them on social media. Instead, I commit to loving others in the way that God has called me to love them. I commit to being present in reality with my friends in real community. I commit to being a real, true friend.
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." - Proverbs
Assuming you are Facebook friends with the people who are your friends in real life, Facebook has conditioned our minds that your real friends will like whatever post--from pictures to status updates to random articles you decide to share because you believe they are interesting. Facebook has also conditioned us that the value of what we have to say and the value of our identities all lies within the number of "likes" we receive on posts or the number of comments we can generate. Whenever I decide to post something, I always end up checking to see if anyone has liked my post.
Currently in my Discipleship & Ethics class in seminary, we are discussing how technology and media can become powers in our lives that take away from our identities and create a community that is contrary to the kingdom community which Jesus established during his earthly ministry. Our identities are stripped to electronic presence and presentation and community is placed in a shallow bowl of "likes" and "comments." Recently, I have faced this reality as I have questioned whether or not if people are actually my friends just because of my social media interaction with them! Something is definitely wrong with that...
I have a really good friend. For the sake of anonymity, I will call him Adelphos. Adelphos and I have become close over the past several months and I have had the blessing to walk alongside him in this season of life. One thing that has been bugging me for a couple months now is that I realized he never likes anything I post on Facebook unless I tag him in the post...all while he seems to be liking everyone else's posts! Several times I have mind-wrestled with myself about whether or not Adelphos is a real friend. The fleshly argument states that "Well...if he really is your friend...he would be liking the stuff you post on Facebook." The logical side of me that is rooted in reality counters that is dumbest thought ever. How can someone liking my posts on Facebook be an affirmation of the depth of our friendship??
Luckily for me, God's voice is much louder than the selfish voices in my head. After much prayer and consideration, God helped me to realize that such thoughts are a reversion back to how I used to approach relationships and friendships--the way which was not honoring to God and only focused on me. God also reminded me that my experiences with Adelphos over the past several months show that he is a TRUE and REAL friend to me and that, by His grace and by the power of the Holy Spirit, Adelphos sees me for who God created me to be. Adelphos has even sacrificed part of who he is in order to become a true friend and brother to me. Adelphos is a visible image in my life of the invisible God.
So does it matter whether or not Adelphos or any of my other friends like my Facebook posts? Heck no! I refuse to allow social media to dictate the depth of my friendships. I refuse to assign value to relationships and people based on my interactions with them on social media. Instead, I commit to loving others in the way that God has called me to love them. I commit to being present in reality with my friends in real community. I commit to being a real, true friend.
"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." - Proverbs
Great post.
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting, isn't it? It strips away all the nuances of in-person community: The smiles, the looks, the laughs...all the small actions and reactions that inform a friendship and give it meaning. It's reduced to a very binary system: One either "Likes" something, or chooses NOT to "Like" it. And you can never really even know if they had the OPPORTUNITY to "like" it in the first place...it might have gotten lost in the sea of endless updates.
I'm glad you aren't throwing the baby out with the bathwater, though. Facebook remains, as always, an aid and possibly a supplement to community...but it would be a sad and sick community that was solely informed by Facebook likes!